"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."  ~Psalm 139:13-14

I've been reminded several times as of late to praise God for all He has done to give me life.  From before my formation, through now, until my life after my last breath, I know from the bottom of my heart that I was created in the very likeness and image of my God and Savior.  But I struggle with the thought of what my sin has done to His formation of me.  I shudder when I think of who and what I am compared to who and what I was supposed to be.  I've really screwed up a lot when it comes to my life, but today I am really struggling with how I screw up the physical creation I have posession of...my body.

I'm 6'4" tall and I weigh 300 lbs.  I tell everyone I weigh anywhere from 285 to 295, but it's definitely 300 or just a shade under (but that could just be wishful thinking).  I've tried several times in my life to lose a bit of weight.  I dieted when I was younger, I worked hard through my collegiate years to maintain/lose weight, and now I sit a 22 year old 300-pounder with no more athletic future to look ahead to for help of losing weight.  I'm in the middle of a Radical Life Change that's more mediocre than radical.  I'm eating smaller portions of food at meal times only to make it up with snacks.  I feel helpless to my own lack of discipline.

I would love to finish this entry off by saying I'm comfortable with who God made me to be, but there's far too much to it than that.  If God made me to be 6'4" tall and 300 lbs, then why did I have to eat so many double cheeseburgers to get here?  My body feels like a sports car that the owner has allowed to sit and acquire rust over the course of years.  Sure, I have my flashes of brilliance in games of basketball and soccer, but when I don't do that every time, I end up more upset than if I'd been shot.  The truth is, I've done a lousy job of taking care of my "car."

There are many people out there who have mechanical minds.  They love taking in an old, beat up junker and turning it into a restoration dream.  I'm calling in one of those minds.  I need to sell this car to someone who'll take care of it better than I did.  I need to sell this car back to God. 

I struggle every day with the disciplines of life I need to be consistent in.  I would love to say that from this day forth, I will do this, that, and the other.  I can't do that.  I can ask for your help.  If you read this, please remember me in your prayers.  I hate to be selfish and ask that, but this is one of the biggest battles I'll ever fight, and I'm afraid it will become the biggest battle that I'll always fight.  And I'm kinda getting tired of always being...

...Big Bob