It might seem a random topic to begin journaling with, but I've been reading and studying the concept of being filled with the spirit, lately.  In the past few weeks, I have been tried and tested and even examined regarding my stance on being filled with the spirit, and let me tell you, it has been an exhausting process.  In the past couple of weeks I have been:

~joyful
~cheery
~lonely
~tired
~singled-out
~attacked
~confused
~reflective
~assured
~reassured, and
~quenched

This may seem like a long list of needless emotions, but they relate to one very fundamental principle of being "filled."  I feel as though I've been on a rollercoaster, where my head, heart, and stomach all felt uneasy at some point or another.  Even now, as I look back on it all, I am periodically unnerved thinking about what has taken place.  I hope that this note will serve to both ask you to continue to pray for me, and address what I've found about being filled, Spirit-wise.  If I reach a good point to stop, I will do so, and continue on tomorrow.

Prior to the snowstorms of winter, I began to smell something funky in my car.  It was not a dead animal, nor was it from the exhaust system, but it was the distinct smell that derives from the burning of a clutch.  The smell of such a burnout is nearly unmistakable, as I found out when several gentlemen separately told me they smelled a burnt clutch in or around the vicinity of my truck.  I bring this up because a few weeks ago, I began to smell something funky in my life.  Nothing's dead, nor is anything "bad" happening, but there is a distinct smell that's deriving from personal burnout.  I have been characterized by physical, emotional, and spiritual lax, and have been struggling to remain consistent in basic things, such as updating my blog.

Now, I can already hear the masses.  "Burnout?!!?  At age 23?  Just wait until you get older."  Let me respond by expressing what I have found as the reason for my depletion.  I suffer from a severe lack of fellowship.  I opened up and broke down in staff meeting a bit ago, explaining that despite coming across hundreds of people every day, I have no true fellowship with people (more specifically, men) my age.  I work with Jr. Highers, and then I coach college students.  It is difficult to fellowship with people who call you coach, whether or not you want them to call you that.  My other after-college friends are either married, engaged, in a relationship, or seeking one, and I often end up as an odd-wheel.  And while I loved my days on my tricycle, I can understand how an odd wheel throws some kinks in some plans.  I have no opportunity to be taught lessons from scripture (other than Sunday service), because I'm teaching it, and I have very limited accountability in spiritual disciplines.  As I told the staff on that Monday, I'm quite often very lonely.

Fellowship is such an important aspect of our lives as followers of Christ.  We are created as creatures of community, and we suffer when we don't find part in one.  It is noted quite poetically in Ecclesiastes 4:  "Woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!" (v10)  Now, please understand that I know there are people who would always be there to pick me up, if in fact they ever let me fall in the first place, but also understand that my perception is my own reality.  When I feel alone, I really become alone.

I am blessed with a wonderful, supporting community of fellow church-staff, who are taking immediate actions to help me find fellowship.  Half of the Sundays in a month, I will be leaving Sunday School to someone else, so that I may become involved with the Hi-Definition (young professionals) group.  During the summer months, I will be a part of planning and running "Terrific Tuesdays," where the Hi-Def groups meets at their leaders' house for dinner and fellowship.  And most importantly, and somewhat redundantly, I have an office community which is everyday asking how I'm feeling.  I know it seems like a tire and a bother to always answer, but you know, there may come a day when no one's asked me that question, and it's wonderful to know how much they care.

Well, I'm gonna change the title and just talk about fellowship today.  Tune in tomorrow for my piece about being filled with the Spirit, along with another interesting story...

Love y'all,
Bobby